So your Ex was a no good, cheap, abusive, unfaithful, fink?
This Valentine's Day you can give your Ex a full body massage, with a deep-down, tingly, sensation that they will never forget.
The Gremlin's original Poison Ivy Massage Oil is made from the 100% pure essence of organicly grown Poison Ivy, and meets no FDA specifications whatsoever. However, it is highly regarded by the CDC.
You can't buy this in stores, but you can purchase some online from Dr. Karl Pavlov's Institute in the Cayman Islands... where he might still be hiding out.
Be sure to use the rubber gloves.